When things start to get hard in a semester, or when i am stressed in general, I tend to get to points that i call “burnouts.” Right now i feel like i am on the brink of one of those. The world around me starts to annoy me in every little sense of the word. Things that normally wouldnt bother me bother me extremely. I want to lash out at what ever is wrong in my life. At the same time, i am running out of energy to do so.

When this time comes i usually need a bit of time to recharge my batteries so i can go on and face the world again. I often dont get that chance to recharge. The demands of University work are always there. It never stops. So i skuttle along with so little energy that i end up beginning to sleep in much longer than i intend. Homework assignments slip by, i resort to some stimming to try to keep myself sane. Then there comes the point where i cant stim.

There gets to be a point i can’t take it anymore and i completly shut down. I could do so much better in school if i had to not deal with constant burnouts. Its hard for teachers to understand when i get to this point, so most the time i hang on by a thread that is rapidly unwinding itsself. I’m just waiting for the snap.

Being a university student with any disability is hard. Autism is another thing all together. Combined with aspects from my other posts like the fact i struggle to understand my own emotions, understand everyone elses and feel them at an amplified degree, visits to different doctors for different things (which i have not touched upon yet.) All leads to a very draining school experience.

“But (Insert Name Here), why do you do it if all it does it just wear you out and make you miserable?”

I need something i can use to further my life, how ever “limited,” you may think it be.

I do this because i have to. If there was an easier way, i would go for it. This is what i live with as a university student with various disabilities, Autism being one of them.

Somehow i am often resiliant, i do make it through semesters and i do so with decent grades. Idk how i do it. Idk how i keep going despite seeming to run on very little if not nothing.

That’s just a glimpse of when things get out of control for me.


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